Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
XXVII
Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:
For then my thoughts--from far where I abide--
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee, and for myself, no quiet find.
LXI
Is it thy will, thy image should keep open
My heavy eyelids to the weary night?
Dost thou desire my slumbers should be broken,
While shadows like to thee do mock my sight?
Is it thy spirit that thou send'st from thee
So far from home into my deeds to pry,
To find out shames and idle hours in me,
The scope and tenor of thy jealousy?
O, no! thy love, though much, is not so great:
It is my love that keeps mine eye awake:
Mine own true love that doth my rest defeat,
To play the watchman ever for thy sake:
For thee watch I, whilst thou dost wake elsewhere,
From me far off, with others all too near.
Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:
For then my thoughts--from far where I abide--
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee, and for myself, no quiet find.
LXI
Is it thy will, thy image should keep open
My heavy eyelids to the weary night?
Dost thou desire my slumbers should be broken,
While shadows like to thee do mock my sight?
Is it thy spirit that thou send'st from thee
So far from home into my deeds to pry,
To find out shames and idle hours in me,
The scope and tenor of thy jealousy?
O, no! thy love, though much, is not so great:
It is my love that keeps mine eye awake:
Mine own true love that doth my rest defeat,
To play the watchman ever for thy sake:
For thee watch I, whilst thou dost wake elsewhere,
From me far off, with others all too near.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Back in the Saddle Again
Wow. I have now been back in Utah for three weeks. Time sure does fly. The first week was limbo, while my belongings travelled up. So just lots of time with my sis and nephew. Lots of getting the house prepped, cleaned, cleared out in order to move my things in that first Saturday. The 2nd week was primarily the unpacking phase. So so much unpacking, cleaning, organizing. I still have a bit more, actually, but I am happy with my lil basement "apartment". Having my things here, my bed, my art on the walls, makes me feel at home.
This last Monday I started my new job at Salt Lake Acting Company. I am very lucky to have this job. I am on the Communications and Audience Development team. So far it's been mainly box office (well, will mostly be box office). More duties and random responsibilities will come as we go along. The people are wonderful at SLAC. Fun, liberal-minded, artistic-minded folks. I'm really happy to have what so far seem like great co-workers including my dear Cassie - who I was in the ATP with at the UofU. Thrilled to have her back in my life! It's been interesting what a different environment this job is compared to my last one. SLAC is tiny, a few people working, the arts, laid back, casual. There's just so much more freedom. I really need to adjust my mode of being to this new freedom. I'm used to a much more corporate, structured setting. But I love the fact that it is so different. I think it will be good to be in a more artistic, right brained kind of environment. I'm also very happy to be working in Salt Lake City - I like SLC and though living in Sandy is fine, SLC is def more my style (not LA my style, but for Utah my style).
I've had some interesting and wonderful spiritual experiences here so far. Many new lessons being learned, which is great. I feel very blessed. Will expound later or in person, if interested.
Crud. It is late, but wanted to do a quick catch up.
So it's certainly been different. Lots of time with my sister and nephew. Living with a kid and feeling like a lesbian mom is new. haha. But I do feel very lucky to be able to spend so much time with the greatest little boy in the world, my nephew, Dylan. He is delightful and has been so welcoming and fun. There was one night walking the dogs with Alex and Dylan in a suburban neighborhood in Sandy that I started to feel a bit panicky. "I'm not ready for this life!" But that passed. Starting my job helped. And it is just finding balance between family life and personal life. Mostly it is just special to observe this boy. Actually had fun playing lego's traveling to distant lands in the kitchen with my gay alien lego character I created, making my sister laugh as my alien demonstrated his obsession with the Will Turner action figure. Loved watching Cinderella with them last Sunday. Tonight found myself sitting in the bathtub in the pitch dark while my sister searched for me while she wore a glow in the dark alien mask. Living with a kid is new. But it's fun to connect to creativity, play and silliness. I appreciate how selfless parents must be. It's hard, it's tiring, but giving ones time and energy to make that kid happy is the most important thing. I'm learning a lot. I still only understand a smidgen of what it means to be a parent. But I am appreciative, nevertheless.
Yesterday my sisters and I spent the day together. We went swimming and watched the pilot of Tales of the Gold Monkey - cracking jokes the whole time as well as one of our old favorites, Elephant Parts. I love being with my sisters again. Today we all went to Lagoon. It was crazy being at Lagoon again with my sisters. So many strange flashbacks. But it's great to be with them again.
Glad to be near my parents. I just wish I could do more to help them and make them healthy and taken care of.
I love my family and I hope I am and will continue to make them happy and make them feel loved.
Final quick mention for this catch up: wonderful to be around one of my most favorite people in the universe. Wonderful to know I can see him more than a couple of times a year. Will be hard, perhaps, but I'll take on the difficulty for the warmth he brings to my soul. I've always believed this. It's worth the pain.
Oh and guess what? SLC is getting a Trader Joe's. Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles! :)
This last Monday I started my new job at Salt Lake Acting Company. I am very lucky to have this job. I am on the Communications and Audience Development team. So far it's been mainly box office (well, will mostly be box office). More duties and random responsibilities will come as we go along. The people are wonderful at SLAC. Fun, liberal-minded, artistic-minded folks. I'm really happy to have what so far seem like great co-workers including my dear Cassie - who I was in the ATP with at the UofU. Thrilled to have her back in my life! It's been interesting what a different environment this job is compared to my last one. SLAC is tiny, a few people working, the arts, laid back, casual. There's just so much more freedom. I really need to adjust my mode of being to this new freedom. I'm used to a much more corporate, structured setting. But I love the fact that it is so different. I think it will be good to be in a more artistic, right brained kind of environment. I'm also very happy to be working in Salt Lake City - I like SLC and though living in Sandy is fine, SLC is def more my style (not LA my style, but for Utah my style).
I've had some interesting and wonderful spiritual experiences here so far. Many new lessons being learned, which is great. I feel very blessed. Will expound later or in person, if interested.
Crud. It is late, but wanted to do a quick catch up.
So it's certainly been different. Lots of time with my sister and nephew. Living with a kid and feeling like a lesbian mom is new. haha. But I do feel very lucky to be able to spend so much time with the greatest little boy in the world, my nephew, Dylan. He is delightful and has been so welcoming and fun. There was one night walking the dogs with Alex and Dylan in a suburban neighborhood in Sandy that I started to feel a bit panicky. "I'm not ready for this life!" But that passed. Starting my job helped. And it is just finding balance between family life and personal life. Mostly it is just special to observe this boy. Actually had fun playing lego's traveling to distant lands in the kitchen with my gay alien lego character I created, making my sister laugh as my alien demonstrated his obsession with the Will Turner action figure. Loved watching Cinderella with them last Sunday. Tonight found myself sitting in the bathtub in the pitch dark while my sister searched for me while she wore a glow in the dark alien mask. Living with a kid is new. But it's fun to connect to creativity, play and silliness. I appreciate how selfless parents must be. It's hard, it's tiring, but giving ones time and energy to make that kid happy is the most important thing. I'm learning a lot. I still only understand a smidgen of what it means to be a parent. But I am appreciative, nevertheless.
Yesterday my sisters and I spent the day together. We went swimming and watched the pilot of Tales of the Gold Monkey - cracking jokes the whole time as well as one of our old favorites, Elephant Parts. I love being with my sisters again. Today we all went to Lagoon. It was crazy being at Lagoon again with my sisters. So many strange flashbacks. But it's great to be with them again.
Glad to be near my parents. I just wish I could do more to help them and make them healthy and taken care of.
I love my family and I hope I am and will continue to make them happy and make them feel loved.
Final quick mention for this catch up: wonderful to be around one of my most favorite people in the universe. Wonderful to know I can see him more than a couple of times a year. Will be hard, perhaps, but I'll take on the difficulty for the warmth he brings to my soul. I've always believed this. It's worth the pain.
Oh and guess what? SLC is getting a Trader Joe's. Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles! :)
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Born too Late
Just a truly random smattering of classic actors, because I love them.
One of my favorite images, from one of my favorite movies:
Great pic of Jeremy Brett aka Freddy Eynsford-Hill.
My favorite, Katharine. She's just so cool.
“Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don’t do that by sitting around wondering about yourself.”
From Katharine Hepburn’s 1981 interview with Barbara Walters:
Hepburn: “I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man…I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to and I made enough money to support myself. And I ain’t afraid of being alone.”
Walters: “Is that why also you wear pants?”
Hepburn: “No, I just wore pants because they’re comfortable.”
Walters: “Do you ever wear a skirt, by the way?”
Hepburn: “I have one.”
Walters: “You have one.”
Hepburn: “I’ll wear it to your funeral.”
“Working with her is like going to Paris at the age of 17 and finding everything is the way you thought it would be.”
-Director Anthony Harvey on Hepburn
“I’m beginning to believe that, in films, what everyone is striving for is to produce moments—not a performance, not a characterization, not something where you get into the part—you produce moments that create a feeling of believability to what you’re doing….
I was making a Western in British Columbia and we were on the Columbia Icefields. It was raining and there was heavy mist around, so we couldn’t shoot, so we were all huddled around a fire. Suddenly, out of the mist, came a man, and he was not a young man. He had a beard—it wasn’t exactly a beard, he just hadn’t shaved for a while—and he was a miner type, he was dressed like a miner. He came closer to us and he said, ‘Which one of you is Stewart?’
‘I am.’
He came over and looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yeah. Yeah. I recognize ya. Well, I heard you was here, and I thought I’d come up and say hello. I’ve seen a lot of your picture shows, but I think the one I liked best—you were in this room and your girlfriend was in the next room and there were fireflies outside, and you recited a piece of poetry to her. I thought that was a nice thing for you to do.’
And I remembered exactly the moment, exactly the film, who was in it, who directed it, and I also realized that that picture had been released twenty years before. That man made a tremendous impression on me. To think that I had been part of creating a moment that this man had liked and had remembered for twenty years. I’ll never forget it. That’s what I mean by the moment.”
-Jimmy Stewart
Man, Grace was just insanely stunning.
One of my favorite images, from one of my favorite movies:
Great pic of Jeremy Brett aka Freddy Eynsford-Hill.
My favorite, Katharine. She's just so cool.
“Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don’t do that by sitting around wondering about yourself.”
From Katharine Hepburn’s 1981 interview with Barbara Walters:
Hepburn: “I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man…I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to and I made enough money to support myself. And I ain’t afraid of being alone.”
Walters: “Is that why also you wear pants?”
Hepburn: “No, I just wore pants because they’re comfortable.”
Walters: “Do you ever wear a skirt, by the way?”
Hepburn: “I have one.”
Walters: “You have one.”
Hepburn: “I’ll wear it to your funeral.”
“Working with her is like going to Paris at the age of 17 and finding everything is the way you thought it would be.”
-Director Anthony Harvey on Hepburn
“I’m beginning to believe that, in films, what everyone is striving for is to produce moments—not a performance, not a characterization, not something where you get into the part—you produce moments that create a feeling of believability to what you’re doing….
I was making a Western in British Columbia and we were on the Columbia Icefields. It was raining and there was heavy mist around, so we couldn’t shoot, so we were all huddled around a fire. Suddenly, out of the mist, came a man, and he was not a young man. He had a beard—it wasn’t exactly a beard, he just hadn’t shaved for a while—and he was a miner type, he was dressed like a miner. He came closer to us and he said, ‘Which one of you is Stewart?’
‘I am.’
He came over and looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yeah. Yeah. I recognize ya. Well, I heard you was here, and I thought I’d come up and say hello. I’ve seen a lot of your picture shows, but I think the one I liked best—you were in this room and your girlfriend was in the next room and there were fireflies outside, and you recited a piece of poetry to her. I thought that was a nice thing for you to do.’
And I remembered exactly the moment, exactly the film, who was in it, who directed it, and I also realized that that picture had been released twenty years before. That man made a tremendous impression on me. To think that I had been part of creating a moment that this man had liked and had remembered for twenty years. I’ll never forget it. That’s what I mean by the moment.”
-Jimmy Stewart
Man, Grace was just insanely stunning.
Current 5
Because I am a perpetual 13 year old girl, here are my top dudes (just an excuse to look at great pics of these lovely men):
1. Hugh Laurie: my long-time love.
1. Hugh Laurie: my long-time love.
2. Tom Hiddleston: Killer, melting smile, but more than anything, I love his voice, the best voice ever - so smooth, lovely, warm, perfect perfect voice.
3. Stephen Colbert: funny, smart, sharp, delightful.
4. Will Forte: Strange, hilarious, adorable.
5. Steve Nash.
Honorable Mention: because come on, loved him forever, and his Shakespearean talent is the bestest: Kenneth Branagh.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Turn and Face the Strain...
In three weeks I am moving back to the USSR, I mean, back to the SLC. It's kind of bizarre. It has all happened rather quickly. Here's my story....
I had decided to pursue a career in casting in LA. It's something I'd been interested in for quite some time and I was in contact with some CD's. I felt like that was a real road I could follow. But, I don't know, I still felt unsure, in general, about my life, my goals. So I went to my temple, to try to gain some clarity and communicate with my Heavenly Father. I prayed a laundry list of questions and concerns and wasn't really getting much back, but then I heard in my mind, "Move to Utah. Move to Utah. Move to Utah." Even with that, I walked away unsure if that was indeed an answer or if that was just my mind wanting to flee.
That night I had a mammoth prayer session. I wanted to know where I would be happy and where I could do good. I received such a clear, concrete answer that moving to Utah was the answer. That it was time for me to go serve my family and friends up there. I felt tremendous peace and even excitement. I had a specific thought about one of my sisters, that I should try to help her come back to the LDS faith. So with these thoughts, with this peace, I had my answer. I was so deeply grateful that the Lord gave me a clear answer. I was in shock that I was really about to make such a big move, but I felt sure.
The next day I called my family to tell them. They, as always, support whatever decisions I make. When I spoke to the one sister, I found out that she had a huge trial she was going through, she hadn't told anyone about yet. She had been distraught, scared, in pain and had started praying again. She had so wished that I would be there and in an answer to both of our prayers, the Lord was leading us back together. We were both overwhelmed at the love and help we were receiving. She asked if I would move in with her, I instantly said, yes. She expressed a desire to go back to church, and I said, great, we will go together. It was the easiest decision to make. I am so grateful to have an opportunity to help and support my sister and my dear little nephew. I adore them. I am deeply touched that my sister now feels much more hope knowing that she won't be alone. We get along so so well and we will be able to have fun together, to laugh, to enjoy the same things. I also have an understanding of her trials and can hopefully be a good source of support. I also hope to provide fun and love to my nephew.
I feel like everything was preparing me for this decision. My last job unexpectedly ended, I started a new job which, although a great opportunity, was not as hard to walk away from, my rent was raised, I couldn't find a new apartment, and then the job I started ended up starting a week later than originally planned, giving me this limbo week, during which I went to visit Utah. Usually when I visit, it's nice, but I'm ready to get back to SoCal, but this visit was so wonderful. I saw so many dear friends and had a great time with family, to where I really felt loved and happy to be there. It was special and now I see that it was all prepping me so I could receive the answer to move to Utah with more ease.
So with that, I am on my way. I was anxious to go, so I decided to move at the end of the month (I also didn't want to pay another month of rent here!). I have SO MUCH TO DO to get ready. But I will get there.
Now, although I know this is the right decision for right now, I do have plenty of trepidation. I still need to find a job. I have one good lead, so we'll see if that pans out. I've applied to a few jobs and will continue to search. I hope I can find something good, where I can be happy. The pay is so incredibly low compared to what I'm making here, but whatevs, it's just money and the cost of living up there is, of course, lower as well.
I am going to miss my dear friends here in LA. My ward is for sure the best ward ever. They got me through the hardest year of my life. They gave me unwavering love and support and hope. The friendships I made here are so important and meaningful to me. I hate to leave them. So so so many beautiful people in that ward, young and old, male and female - just a true ward family. I'll also miss the dear work friends I made. They also gave me so much support and laughter. And I made other, unexpected friendships that have been great.
I'll miss the constantly lovely weather. I do love seasons, so it will be great to have a real Autumn with the leaves changing and the crispness in the air and a real Spring after the long, cold Winter. But that also means I will have to have a long, cold Winter and a long, hot Summer. So, yes, I'll miss the ever nice weather of SoCal.
I will miss the many events and goings-on here: all the film fests and food trucks. I like that there are always many options - shopping, theatres, events. I am super sad to not be here for the Hollywood Bowl Summer - there were SO MANY concerts I wanted to attend this Summer. At least I will still go to John Williams night - I've got my tickets and my date lined up.
I will embrace the arts in SLC, however. The Utah Symphony is great, some great theatre companies, dance, music. When I lived there before I was able to attend a lot of events and it was great.
I also really want to act again. I miss it and I want to make it happen.
I've loved being around a diverse group of people. I love living in a blue state. I like that there is less judgement, more acceptance of all different kinds of people, religions, thoughts. But, I also know that SLC itself is more diverse, so it'll be ok.
I will miss so many great food options here. So may restaurants yet to try, so many. I WILL MISS PORTO'S!!! I will miss Tender Greens.
I WILL MISS TRADER JOE'S. What am I going to do without Trader Joe's? Seriously! I do probably 90% of my grocery shopping there. They are the best. Ugh. Utah needs to get Trader Joe's. So affordable, trustworthy, good food and fun treats. I'll just need to stock up each time I visit, I guess.
I am excited to be around my sisters again. I'm happy to be around my parents again, to hopefully help them as well. I'm thrilled I'll get to see my nephew all the time - he makes me happy. I'm so glad that I'll get to be around wonderful friends in Utah again, friends who I've known forever, friends who I feel so comfortable with. I'm excited to have the canyons again, go hiking, enjoy the mountains and forests. It will be nice to have a slower pace, perhaps. I'm excited to make new friends in Utah. To check out the singles scene. I look forward to figuring out this next chapter, what I want to pursue, to see what career emerges. Perhaps schooling/speech pathology? Perhaps teaching? Perhaps opening a donut shop? Who knows?
I've had an interesting, terrifying, exhilarating time the past seven years on this LA rollercoaster, but I'm excited to try a new ride. I come back to Utah, back to my home, but a changed person. I am stronger and wiser. I am more confident. The refining process continues. "I would rather be ashes than dust."
I had decided to pursue a career in casting in LA. It's something I'd been interested in for quite some time and I was in contact with some CD's. I felt like that was a real road I could follow. But, I don't know, I still felt unsure, in general, about my life, my goals. So I went to my temple, to try to gain some clarity and communicate with my Heavenly Father. I prayed a laundry list of questions and concerns and wasn't really getting much back, but then I heard in my mind, "Move to Utah. Move to Utah. Move to Utah." Even with that, I walked away unsure if that was indeed an answer or if that was just my mind wanting to flee.
That night I had a mammoth prayer session. I wanted to know where I would be happy and where I could do good. I received such a clear, concrete answer that moving to Utah was the answer. That it was time for me to go serve my family and friends up there. I felt tremendous peace and even excitement. I had a specific thought about one of my sisters, that I should try to help her come back to the LDS faith. So with these thoughts, with this peace, I had my answer. I was so deeply grateful that the Lord gave me a clear answer. I was in shock that I was really about to make such a big move, but I felt sure.
The next day I called my family to tell them. They, as always, support whatever decisions I make. When I spoke to the one sister, I found out that she had a huge trial she was going through, she hadn't told anyone about yet. She had been distraught, scared, in pain and had started praying again. She had so wished that I would be there and in an answer to both of our prayers, the Lord was leading us back together. We were both overwhelmed at the love and help we were receiving. She asked if I would move in with her, I instantly said, yes. She expressed a desire to go back to church, and I said, great, we will go together. It was the easiest decision to make. I am so grateful to have an opportunity to help and support my sister and my dear little nephew. I adore them. I am deeply touched that my sister now feels much more hope knowing that she won't be alone. We get along so so well and we will be able to have fun together, to laugh, to enjoy the same things. I also have an understanding of her trials and can hopefully be a good source of support. I also hope to provide fun and love to my nephew.
I feel like everything was preparing me for this decision. My last job unexpectedly ended, I started a new job which, although a great opportunity, was not as hard to walk away from, my rent was raised, I couldn't find a new apartment, and then the job I started ended up starting a week later than originally planned, giving me this limbo week, during which I went to visit Utah. Usually when I visit, it's nice, but I'm ready to get back to SoCal, but this visit was so wonderful. I saw so many dear friends and had a great time with family, to where I really felt loved and happy to be there. It was special and now I see that it was all prepping me so I could receive the answer to move to Utah with more ease.
So with that, I am on my way. I was anxious to go, so I decided to move at the end of the month (I also didn't want to pay another month of rent here!). I have SO MUCH TO DO to get ready. But I will get there.
Now, although I know this is the right decision for right now, I do have plenty of trepidation. I still need to find a job. I have one good lead, so we'll see if that pans out. I've applied to a few jobs and will continue to search. I hope I can find something good, where I can be happy. The pay is so incredibly low compared to what I'm making here, but whatevs, it's just money and the cost of living up there is, of course, lower as well.
I am going to miss my dear friends here in LA. My ward is for sure the best ward ever. They got me through the hardest year of my life. They gave me unwavering love and support and hope. The friendships I made here are so important and meaningful to me. I hate to leave them. So so so many beautiful people in that ward, young and old, male and female - just a true ward family. I'll also miss the dear work friends I made. They also gave me so much support and laughter. And I made other, unexpected friendships that have been great.
I'll miss the constantly lovely weather. I do love seasons, so it will be great to have a real Autumn with the leaves changing and the crispness in the air and a real Spring after the long, cold Winter. But that also means I will have to have a long, cold Winter and a long, hot Summer. So, yes, I'll miss the ever nice weather of SoCal.
I will miss the many events and goings-on here: all the film fests and food trucks. I like that there are always many options - shopping, theatres, events. I am super sad to not be here for the Hollywood Bowl Summer - there were SO MANY concerts I wanted to attend this Summer. At least I will still go to John Williams night - I've got my tickets and my date lined up.
I will embrace the arts in SLC, however. The Utah Symphony is great, some great theatre companies, dance, music. When I lived there before I was able to attend a lot of events and it was great.
I also really want to act again. I miss it and I want to make it happen.
I've loved being around a diverse group of people. I love living in a blue state. I like that there is less judgement, more acceptance of all different kinds of people, religions, thoughts. But, I also know that SLC itself is more diverse, so it'll be ok.
I will miss so many great food options here. So may restaurants yet to try, so many. I WILL MISS PORTO'S!!! I will miss Tender Greens.
I WILL MISS TRADER JOE'S. What am I going to do without Trader Joe's? Seriously! I do probably 90% of my grocery shopping there. They are the best. Ugh. Utah needs to get Trader Joe's. So affordable, trustworthy, good food and fun treats. I'll just need to stock up each time I visit, I guess.
I am excited to be around my sisters again. I'm happy to be around my parents again, to hopefully help them as well. I'm thrilled I'll get to see my nephew all the time - he makes me happy. I'm so glad that I'll get to be around wonderful friends in Utah again, friends who I've known forever, friends who I feel so comfortable with. I'm excited to have the canyons again, go hiking, enjoy the mountains and forests. It will be nice to have a slower pace, perhaps. I'm excited to make new friends in Utah. To check out the singles scene. I look forward to figuring out this next chapter, what I want to pursue, to see what career emerges. Perhaps schooling/speech pathology? Perhaps teaching? Perhaps opening a donut shop? Who knows?
I've had an interesting, terrifying, exhilarating time the past seven years on this LA rollercoaster, but I'm excited to try a new ride. I come back to Utah, back to my home, but a changed person. I am stronger and wiser. I am more confident. The refining process continues. "I would rather be ashes than dust."
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
I finished my time at my TV Legal job the week before last and had a week off before starting my new job this week so I drove up to Utah. There has been a whole lotta stress in my life lately and this week off was so needed and did not disappoint.
Monday I did the ten hour drive and all went smoothly. That evening was dinner and chillin' with the folks. I stayed at the old homestead the whole week, which was nice in that it allowed for more time with the parents. I also went for a walk in the Avenues that night. It was so quiet and lovely. I really do love walking through the Avenues.
Tuesday I got to visit Darci. I haven't seen her in probably over two years, which is just disgraceful. I went to her home in Payson. It's a beautiful house with lovely woodwork by her hubby, Ben. I got to hang out with her daughter Malia too, who was just about 3 years old. She's so funny, like Darci. We got some food at a Cajun restaurant in Payson - yeah, Cajun in Payson. I loved catching up with Darci and laughing. I'm so glad she's still super cool and smart and funny. :) It's amazing how comfortable we still are and, I'm assuming, always will be together. Those binds we formed when we were 13 years old are strong.
To follow along with trip down Jr. High lane I got to see my old Choir Director from Bryant Jr. High, Mr. Noyce. I don't think I've seen him since maybe the year or two after Jr. High. My sister had seen him working at a store and so I went and stalked him out. I have thought of him a lot over the years and wondered how he was. It was so much fun to talk to him. He is THE SAME as always. So funny, so high energy, so rapid-fire. Amazingly he remembered me (you played piano, right?). I even wrote him a little letter, in case I wouldn't see him to chat. I wanted to let him know what a wonderful teacher he was. He gave so much enthusiasm and energy and passion to his teaching and because of that his classes and performances were great. The older I get, and even having just taught a teensy bit, I can appreciate how much energy it takes and he really did give his all to make it fun. Also he smelled the same :) - I know that sounds uber creepy, but I had a weird sense memory with his cologne - Jr. High all came rushing back to me: Bel Canto performances at Christmas, etc.
Wednesday morning I met my sister, Elizabeth, at Channel 2 to have "lunch" (in quotes as they have lunch at 9:00am). It was really fun to hang out with her and some of her work buddies, including my ol' pal, Bob aka Bobbio. I then skulked about so I could make sure I saw one of my favorite people, Brian Mullahy. I already had an affinity for Brian when I was a teeny kid and he started as an anchor on KSL. The first time I met him was at Toys R Us when I was, I mean, I must have been like 8 or 9 years old and I was so so excited to meet him. Over the years I've been able to get to chat with and hear about him from Elizabeth and so Wednesday we caught up and it was great. He is great. He's so positive and easy to talk to. I like our little connection and hope to continue to know him in the coming years. Classy dude.
I was then happy to have brunch with Heidi Hanson and Trixi Sieger. I went to high school with Heidi, she was 3 years younger? and then worked with both Heidi and Trixi and Arttix. I hadn't seen/hung out with them in so long, so it was a great unexpected visit. I got to meet Trixi's cute little boy. We ate at the Dodo in Sugarhouse. I was happy to find them both well and funny as always. It was fun to chat about all the old people we knew, hear what they are now up to. Lots of interesting stories. After Trixi left to put her boy to bed, Heidi and I continued to chat for quite some time and it was really fun. I'm glad to reconnect - she is hilarious. It was great.
I then drove up to the UofU and visited PAB (Performing Arts Bldg). It's always bittersweet to walk through those halls. I got a bit choked up seeing the young students warming up in Studio 110. I felt like I was 90 years old and wanted to yell at them "This is the best time of your life! Savor every moment of this program!" I know I'm ridiculous, but it really was a special time. I saw Sandy for a minute, but she was off to a meeting and I saw Jerry for a minute, but he was off to class, so he told me to come back the next day. But even the short interaction with him was already amazing. It took him a second to remember who I was (not offended, he's got a bajillion students), so I told him I was the girl that one of the first classes was dancing with my eyes closed and ran my face smack into a big pole. That, he remembered with a "Oh! I've been telling that story for years!" That also made me want to weep - the fact that I was a story of his. Then he asked about being married and I told him we just got divorced and he shrugged his shoulders and said "meh". What a response. It was great. And then he talked about when your energy moves on, it's ok, etc.
That evening I visited Elizabeth at her house, looked at all her various memorabilia. Glad to get some extra time with my dear sister.
Thursday I went back to the U as per Jerry's request. I was able to have a longer chat with Sandy. She was wise and gracious as always. It was a really nice talk. We were able to touch on life choices and finding worth in what we're doing. She told me that although she is at retirement age (but won't be yet), she still has dreams, other goals, it never stops. I'm glad to know that. This is a sidetrack, but, in a recent wonderful conversation with my church Visiting Teachers it also came out that they (who are quite a bit older than I am), still are trying to figure things out themselves, still wondering what they want to be, what they should do with their lives. On one hand, it's daunting to know that the lack of surety continues, on the other hand it's really comforting to know I'm not alone and that all of us in life are just trying our best to figure it out. Anyway, back to Sandy. She also told me she had three memories of my work, which she had included in a letter of rec. she had written for me a couple months ago. The first one was when Cassie and I did a scene from the female "Odd Couple"....what?!? She remembered we did good work on that scene. So funny because Cassie and I still joke about that scene, because we think it was awful. We are so embarrassed of that scene and we always feel sad when we finally got to work together it was that! Although, I also remember we had fun rehearsing - lots of laughing. But, ok, it's remembered fondly by Sandy. Awesome. The second memory she had was an Uta Hagen exercise Cassie and I did together - where one was visiting at the others' apartment. So I had TOTALLY forgotten this. I can now vaguely recollect it, but seriously didn't remember and yet Sandy said we really created that reality to where at one point she had to shake herself to remember we were in a classroom and not indeed in the apartment with us. So that's pretty radical - I mean, that is what Uta should do. Good on us. I do like that two of the memories are with Crapsie Cottontail as I adore her and always wished we could have worked together more. Not sure what her third memory was, dang it, maybe it was Cat? but maybe not. We did talk about my Cat On A Hot Tin Roof scene. I do consider that some of my best work ever. I had major breakthroughs rehearsing that scene with Sandy. Sandy was an amazing teacher in those coaching sessions. I remember she would stop after each line if she needed to, if she didn't believe it, if I wasn't really tapped in and so I got tapped in and found great depths. The character exercises for that unit were awesome and I feel like I know Maggie so well and I miss her - wish I could play that role. Anyway, she said cool things like the fact that her students right now are just not as mature or able to understand the maturity required for some Tennessee, but that I found it with Cat. I remember I was terrified to play Maggie - so iconic, so much going on there and that also taught me that the projects I'm most scared about usually turn out the best. So yes, really nice talk with Sandy. She's lovely.
Then I sat down with Jerry. Oh boy, I was like intensely emotional with him. We did the general catching up thing and along the convo he had great statements, wish I could have just recorded it! But, I'll just hit some highlights that stand out to me. I told him how I was feeling being back in Utah and he said that we return to where we are from to see how we've grown. I like that a lot. He told a great thought about a leader from all the different religions in one room and you put an orange in the middle. They would all describe the orange differently, but at the end of the day, it's still an orange. We have different perceptions, different filters, but it is one reality. Something like that - haha, but I liked it. He, like Sandy, remembered my class fondly - that we were special. tee hee, we were. He remembered it got really wild in our class - the rose petals and water - a memory I had just shared with my Mom the day before. I reminded him of our Butoh performance for First Night at the Rose Wagner - how I almost choked to death on a piece of balloon that I had popped with my teeth - had to vomit it out on stage! He gave me advice on men - not to chase them, they can sense that. To just keep my heart soft and open and they will come to me and I'll just point and say "I choose you. I choose you". So good. Something I've been trying to work on anyway, but that only reinforced how much I will not be chasing after dudes anymore, at least if they aren't giving back. Done. I was also able to express to him how important he was, how much his class affected me and taught me to truly be open and that as much as I loved class at the time, it was after graduating that I really started to realize how special that class was and how much it taught me. So yeah, really emotional,crying as I was able to actually express these feelings to him. He said that I wanted Jerry back in my life for a reason and so there he is. We exchanged info, he wants me to keep in touch with him. He took my hand in his hands at one point and bowed and said some prayer and then let go and looked me in the eye and said something like, "It is simple, but believe in yourself. Have confidence". It is simple, but something I struggle with continually and need to do. He also said that he would say a special prayer for me in his temple. That the prayers they say are for every single person, but that he would bring me to the focus. (He's also a Buddhist Priest, by the way) Really cool. Ha, I just remembered one more thing, when I told him my name is Heidi Klein again he said like Heidi Klum and I died that is literally the first thing he said to me the first time I met him - one big circle. I then took a picture with him - he told me I couldn't post it on Facebook, haha, but as no one looks at my blog, I think I'm safe posting it here. He was also, of course, funny and silly and well, Jerry. Wonderful man.
I then went to meet with Liz Perkins (who I try to see as often as I go) and with Katie Harding! I haven't seen Katie in years - way too long! We met at a cute little coffee shop on 1st Ave and "I" st., hung out on the cozy couches and let me tell you, it was marvelous. I love those girls. Lizzy was looking lovely all pregnant - still slim with just a nice baby bump. She's doing well, feeling well and as dear as ever. It was so great being in our threesome again. Katie is great. I was so happy to find us so comfortable together - I felt closer to her than ever. I loved hearing about her life - so proud of her: she has wonderful goals, is driven and working hard - it's inspiring. I love laughing with them. Katie is so funny still and I want to hang out all the time and make her laugh. We had the best time and she wants me to move back - tempted (more on that in a bit). So that was special and way overdue.
At the zoo with Dylan (I took a bunch of animal pics, but for our purposes today, just gonna post the cute Dylan ones :))
Back to Utah. I forgot, I also went on perhaps Thursday day, to drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was rainy and as I got higher there was snow. It was really beautiful. A bit cold and short on time for a proper hike, but next time.
One more story I've got to share is that I showed Mom the wonders of the World Wide Web! I had brought my laptop with me and used the neighbors' wifi and so one night we sat on my old bed and I showed Mom whatever I could think of to show her. She ended up watching a bunch of clips on YouTube: Jack Paar, Nelson Eddy, Jackie Gleason. I set her up with YouTube and Google search and let her have at it. It was so strange to sit in the bedroom across the hall from her and see her in there searching things. I just couldn't get over the fact that my Mom was surfing the web! So funny. It also made me so want to get her a computer. I've seen one that just has like the very basics for older folks to use. I would love her to be able to search things, email, word process. That'll be my next big thing when I'm able. I left it ready for her and she continued to use it the next couple of days. She was looking up Switzerland and geneology and then having fun with Google Earth. Thursday night I had gone to bed and she stayed up late on the internet. I went out at one point and had to say "Mom! Go to bed!" hahaha alternate reality, for sure.
So, the summation after this long recap: it was a wonderful trip. I was able to relax, decompress, walk, reminisce, and most importantly spend time with my family and with so many dear friends. It made me really really miss everyone and really long to be with people that know me, who I am comfortable with, who love me. I miss having so many friends around. So it certainly threw me. I had already been allowing the idea of moving back to Utah creep in as I went about my job search, but after that week, I actually added it to my real possibilities category in my brain and there it remains. I just don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know where I will find the opportunities that will be best for me personally and for my career. I know there are just more career opportunities here. But then the question comes up, what is more important? Pushing myself here and achieving some great career goals and continuing to try to meet new good people for my life or finding a job I can enjoy in Utah, finding a career path there and being with so many dear people that I know and love? And, of course, the other big issue: living in a conservative weird state vs. a liberal state with more like-minded people around. So, for now I think I will stay here and pursue a career in casting. It's something I've considered for some time, something I think I could enjoy and a path that I could have upward motion in. I am here now. I should use my time here and try that, always knowing that I can change my mind, that I can try new paths later, that if I decide I want to go back to Utah, I can. I will see how things shake down. For now, I am super eager to find a casting assistant gig and see how I like that world. I also need to find a new apartment STAT. So I will enjoy the beautiful weather, the movies, the goings-on, my ward, my friends, a dear friend who moves here in August, getting myself in good shape, seeing what kinda dude action happens, and refining my wants and dreams. That's the plan. And I hope I can figure it all out! Schwoo.
Monday I did the ten hour drive and all went smoothly. That evening was dinner and chillin' with the folks. I stayed at the old homestead the whole week, which was nice in that it allowed for more time with the parents. I also went for a walk in the Avenues that night. It was so quiet and lovely. I really do love walking through the Avenues.
Tuesday I got to visit Darci. I haven't seen her in probably over two years, which is just disgraceful. I went to her home in Payson. It's a beautiful house with lovely woodwork by her hubby, Ben. I got to hang out with her daughter Malia too, who was just about 3 years old. She's so funny, like Darci. We got some food at a Cajun restaurant in Payson - yeah, Cajun in Payson. I loved catching up with Darci and laughing. I'm so glad she's still super cool and smart and funny. :) It's amazing how comfortable we still are and, I'm assuming, always will be together. Those binds we formed when we were 13 years old are strong.
Wednesday morning I met my sister, Elizabeth, at Channel 2 to have "lunch" (in quotes as they have lunch at 9:00am). It was really fun to hang out with her and some of her work buddies, including my ol' pal, Bob aka Bobbio. I then skulked about so I could make sure I saw one of my favorite people, Brian Mullahy. I already had an affinity for Brian when I was a teeny kid and he started as an anchor on KSL. The first time I met him was at Toys R Us when I was, I mean, I must have been like 8 or 9 years old and I was so so excited to meet him. Over the years I've been able to get to chat with and hear about him from Elizabeth and so Wednesday we caught up and it was great. He is great. He's so positive and easy to talk to. I like our little connection and hope to continue to know him in the coming years. Classy dude.
I was then happy to have brunch with Heidi Hanson and Trixi Sieger. I went to high school with Heidi, she was 3 years younger? and then worked with both Heidi and Trixi and Arttix. I hadn't seen/hung out with them in so long, so it was a great unexpected visit. I got to meet Trixi's cute little boy. We ate at the Dodo in Sugarhouse. I was happy to find them both well and funny as always. It was fun to chat about all the old people we knew, hear what they are now up to. Lots of interesting stories. After Trixi left to put her boy to bed, Heidi and I continued to chat for quite some time and it was really fun. I'm glad to reconnect - she is hilarious. It was great.
East High (for the heck of it)
I then drove up to the UofU and visited PAB (Performing Arts Bldg). It's always bittersweet to walk through those halls. I got a bit choked up seeing the young students warming up in Studio 110. I felt like I was 90 years old and wanted to yell at them "This is the best time of your life! Savor every moment of this program!" I know I'm ridiculous, but it really was a special time. I saw Sandy for a minute, but she was off to a meeting and I saw Jerry for a minute, but he was off to class, so he told me to come back the next day. But even the short interaction with him was already amazing. It took him a second to remember who I was (not offended, he's got a bajillion students), so I told him I was the girl that one of the first classes was dancing with my eyes closed and ran my face smack into a big pole. That, he remembered with a "Oh! I've been telling that story for years!" That also made me want to weep - the fact that I was a story of his. Then he asked about being married and I told him we just got divorced and he shrugged his shoulders and said "meh". What a response. It was great. And then he talked about when your energy moves on, it's ok, etc.
That evening I visited Elizabeth at her house, looked at all her various memorabilia. Glad to get some extra time with my dear sister.
Thursday I went back to the U as per Jerry's request. I was able to have a longer chat with Sandy. She was wise and gracious as always. It was a really nice talk. We were able to touch on life choices and finding worth in what we're doing. She told me that although she is at retirement age (but won't be yet), she still has dreams, other goals, it never stops. I'm glad to know that. This is a sidetrack, but, in a recent wonderful conversation with my church Visiting Teachers it also came out that they (who are quite a bit older than I am), still are trying to figure things out themselves, still wondering what they want to be, what they should do with their lives. On one hand, it's daunting to know that the lack of surety continues, on the other hand it's really comforting to know I'm not alone and that all of us in life are just trying our best to figure it out. Anyway, back to Sandy. She also told me she had three memories of my work, which she had included in a letter of rec. she had written for me a couple months ago. The first one was when Cassie and I did a scene from the female "Odd Couple"....what?!? She remembered we did good work on that scene. So funny because Cassie and I still joke about that scene, because we think it was awful. We are so embarrassed of that scene and we always feel sad when we finally got to work together it was that! Although, I also remember we had fun rehearsing - lots of laughing. But, ok, it's remembered fondly by Sandy. Awesome. The second memory she had was an Uta Hagen exercise Cassie and I did together - where one was visiting at the others' apartment. So I had TOTALLY forgotten this. I can now vaguely recollect it, but seriously didn't remember and yet Sandy said we really created that reality to where at one point she had to shake herself to remember we were in a classroom and not indeed in the apartment with us. So that's pretty radical - I mean, that is what Uta should do. Good on us. I do like that two of the memories are with Crapsie Cottontail as I adore her and always wished we could have worked together more. Not sure what her third memory was, dang it, maybe it was Cat? but maybe not. We did talk about my Cat On A Hot Tin Roof scene. I do consider that some of my best work ever. I had major breakthroughs rehearsing that scene with Sandy. Sandy was an amazing teacher in those coaching sessions. I remember she would stop after each line if she needed to, if she didn't believe it, if I wasn't really tapped in and so I got tapped in and found great depths. The character exercises for that unit were awesome and I feel like I know Maggie so well and I miss her - wish I could play that role. Anyway, she said cool things like the fact that her students right now are just not as mature or able to understand the maturity required for some Tennessee, but that I found it with Cat. I remember I was terrified to play Maggie - so iconic, so much going on there and that also taught me that the projects I'm most scared about usually turn out the best. So yes, really nice talk with Sandy. She's lovely.
Then I sat down with Jerry. Oh boy, I was like intensely emotional with him. We did the general catching up thing and along the convo he had great statements, wish I could have just recorded it! But, I'll just hit some highlights that stand out to me. I told him how I was feeling being back in Utah and he said that we return to where we are from to see how we've grown. I like that a lot. He told a great thought about a leader from all the different religions in one room and you put an orange in the middle. They would all describe the orange differently, but at the end of the day, it's still an orange. We have different perceptions, different filters, but it is one reality. Something like that - haha, but I liked it. He, like Sandy, remembered my class fondly - that we were special. tee hee, we were. He remembered it got really wild in our class - the rose petals and water - a memory I had just shared with my Mom the day before. I reminded him of our Butoh performance for First Night at the Rose Wagner - how I almost choked to death on a piece of balloon that I had popped with my teeth - had to vomit it out on stage! He gave me advice on men - not to chase them, they can sense that. To just keep my heart soft and open and they will come to me and I'll just point and say "I choose you. I choose you". So good. Something I've been trying to work on anyway, but that only reinforced how much I will not be chasing after dudes anymore, at least if they aren't giving back. Done. I was also able to express to him how important he was, how much his class affected me and taught me to truly be open and that as much as I loved class at the time, it was after graduating that I really started to realize how special that class was and how much it taught me. So yeah, really emotional,crying as I was able to actually express these feelings to him. He said that I wanted Jerry back in my life for a reason and so there he is. We exchanged info, he wants me to keep in touch with him. He took my hand in his hands at one point and bowed and said some prayer and then let go and looked me in the eye and said something like, "It is simple, but believe in yourself. Have confidence". It is simple, but something I struggle with continually and need to do. He also said that he would say a special prayer for me in his temple. That the prayers they say are for every single person, but that he would bring me to the focus. (He's also a Buddhist Priest, by the way) Really cool. Ha, I just remembered one more thing, when I told him my name is Heidi Klein again he said like Heidi Klum and I died that is literally the first thing he said to me the first time I met him - one big circle. I then took a picture with him - he told me I couldn't post it on Facebook, haha, but as no one looks at my blog, I think I'm safe posting it here. He was also, of course, funny and silly and well, Jerry. Wonderful man.
I then went to meet with Liz Perkins (who I try to see as often as I go) and with Katie Harding! I haven't seen Katie in years - way too long! We met at a cute little coffee shop on 1st Ave and "I" st., hung out on the cozy couches and let me tell you, it was marvelous. I love those girls. Lizzy was looking lovely all pregnant - still slim with just a nice baby bump. She's doing well, feeling well and as dear as ever. It was so great being in our threesome again. Katie is great. I was so happy to find us so comfortable together - I felt closer to her than ever. I loved hearing about her life - so proud of her: she has wonderful goals, is driven and working hard - it's inspiring. I love laughing with them. Katie is so funny still and I want to hang out all the time and make her laugh. We had the best time and she wants me to move back - tempted (more on that in a bit). So that was special and way overdue.
Thursday night was the always anticipated, Carter date night. We went to Little Shop of Horrors at the Rose - he had a friend playing Seymour. It was just good to be with him again - hearing his stories, watching his mind work and his hands express. After the musical we went to Red Rock for some food. I'm not going to get into detail because it suffices to say that I love talking to him. I love hanging out with him. We have a great great time together. Nothing better than hanging out with Schmarter Billiams. Actually, yeah, that's all the needs to be said, the rest remains firmly in my mind.
So, Thursday morning I actually started feeling illin' in my belly. Thursday afternoon I wanted to die, but I rested and rallied so I could go out (duh, wasn't gonna miss my date!). But that night after I got home and went to bed, I plummeted: felt so sick, probably needed to puke, but didn't (TMI?) and ended up being awake, tossing and moaning until like 6:30am. Oy. Luckily as the day progressed on Friday I felt better and better. Friday afternoon Elizabeth and Alex came up to the parents' and we had a yummy lasagna lunch courtesy of Mumsie. So here's the awesome story for that: the TV in my Mom's bedroom is dreadful, beyond dreadful, so fuzzy and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I secretly devised getting them a new TV. The kids went in on it for a combined Mother's Day, Mom's Birthday, Father's Day, Pop's Birthday (I mean we're not made of money!). I bought it on Wednesday, I think, but wanted to keep it secret until the sisters could be there and we could all give it to them together. So Wednesday night, the second my mom got in the shower, I ran out to my car in my PJ's and lugged a huge TV in the house, quiet as a mouse and hid it in the closet in my bedroom (basically the ONLY hiding place in that house). Luckily she stayed out of there. So after we ate, I told Pop to go into the dining room and then we brought it in. They were so surprised!!! It was so so great. Pop's face was amazing. I loved doing that and I just so want to be rich so I can do nice things like that all the time for them. So we set it up, it's beautiful. Yay!
Alex had to take Jerad to the doctor, so Elizabeth and I hung out at the parents' for a while before heading down to Sandy that evening to hang with the Nighs. Poor Jerad was so worked the entire evening. He had had an MRI and they had drugged him for it, so he was just out of it. We ordered Sushi and watched the tube and then played Mario Party. It was nice to be there again. I wish we could have had more time, but luckily the Nighs did come down to visit me last month, okay, not to visit ME persay, they went to Disneyland, but also visited me! Crud. I never blogged about that. Hmm. Maybe I'll add a few of those photos here as well.
Quickest recap of that visit ever: they did Disneyland Thur, Fri & Sat. I met them there Sat. It was so fun to see them there and see that they were having a wonderful time. Finding them on Main Street that morning was so gleeful. Sunday they went to Universal Studios - got terribly rained out (we NEVER have storms like that). They stayed at my place. We ate Taco Bell (haha - just so they could try Doritos Locos Taco!), we just generally had a great time being together. I LOVED having them at my home. Monday I showed them around Warner Bros., dropped Alex and Jerad off to see Conan and while they did that I went to the zoo with Dylan. I had a great time with Dylan. Loved having that quality time. We enjoyed the zoo - favorites from that: Dylan loving the big cats the most (like me), his funny comments all the time, so clever, like the animal that looked like a "kitty-puppy" - it really did. Then we went to Griffith Park and saw the old zoo cages - he totally dug it, which was cool. Picked up the Nighs, got Portos - they LOVED Portos - so so happy as it is my favorite food in LA! I took them to Grauman's to see the footprints. Then back home to hang out. Tuesday morn we went to Manhattan Beach. It was lovely. Then we had a fantastic lunch, crud can't remember the name of the place, a taco place - so so so yummy. Then airport. Wow, ok, there was that sidetrack. Now sidetrack Nigh CA trip photos:
(our attempt at Hear No Evil, etc. didn't quite work ha)
Love this pic of Dylan's footprints:
So, the summation after this long recap: it was a wonderful trip. I was able to relax, decompress, walk, reminisce, and most importantly spend time with my family and with so many dear friends. It made me really really miss everyone and really long to be with people that know me, who I am comfortable with, who love me. I miss having so many friends around. So it certainly threw me. I had already been allowing the idea of moving back to Utah creep in as I went about my job search, but after that week, I actually added it to my real possibilities category in my brain and there it remains. I just don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know where I will find the opportunities that will be best for me personally and for my career. I know there are just more career opportunities here. But then the question comes up, what is more important? Pushing myself here and achieving some great career goals and continuing to try to meet new good people for my life or finding a job I can enjoy in Utah, finding a career path there and being with so many dear people that I know and love? And, of course, the other big issue: living in a conservative weird state vs. a liberal state with more like-minded people around. So, for now I think I will stay here and pursue a career in casting. It's something I've considered for some time, something I think I could enjoy and a path that I could have upward motion in. I am here now. I should use my time here and try that, always knowing that I can change my mind, that I can try new paths later, that if I decide I want to go back to Utah, I can. I will see how things shake down. For now, I am super eager to find a casting assistant gig and see how I like that world. I also need to find a new apartment STAT. So I will enjoy the beautiful weather, the movies, the goings-on, my ward, my friends, a dear friend who moves here in August, getting myself in good shape, seeing what kinda dude action happens, and refining my wants and dreams. That's the plan. And I hope I can figure it all out! Schwoo.
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