Turn and Face the Strain...

In three weeks I am moving back to the USSR, I mean, back to the SLC. It's kind of bizarre. It has all happened rather quickly. Here's my story....

I had decided to pursue a career in casting in LA. It's something I'd been interested in for quite some time and I was in contact with some CD's. I felt like that was a real road I could follow. But, I don't know, I still felt unsure, in general, about my life, my goals. So I went to my temple, to try to gain some clarity and communicate with my Heavenly Father. I prayed a laundry list of questions and concerns and wasn't really getting much back, but then I heard in my mind, "Move to Utah. Move to Utah. Move to Utah." Even with that, I walked away unsure if that was indeed an answer or if that was just my mind wanting to flee.

That night I had a mammoth prayer session. I wanted to know where I would be happy and where I could do good. I received such a clear, concrete answer that moving to Utah was the answer. That it was time for me to go serve my family and friends up there. I felt tremendous peace and even excitement. I had a specific thought about one of my sisters, that I should try to help her come back to the LDS faith. So with these thoughts, with this peace, I had my answer. I was so deeply grateful that the Lord gave me a clear answer. I was in shock that I was really about to make such a big move, but I felt sure.

The next day I called my family to tell them. They, as always, support whatever decisions I make. When I spoke to the one sister, I found out that she had a huge trial she was going through, she hadn't told anyone about yet. She had been distraught, scared, in pain and had started praying again. She had so wished that I would be there and in an answer to both of our prayers, the Lord was leading us back together. We were both overwhelmed at the love and help we were receiving. She asked if I would move in with her, I instantly said, yes. She expressed a desire to go back to church, and I said, great, we will go together. It was the easiest decision to make. I am so grateful to have an opportunity to help and support my sister and my dear little nephew. I adore them. I am deeply touched that my sister now feels much more hope knowing that she won't be alone. We get along so so well and we will be able to have fun together, to laugh, to enjoy the same things. I also have an understanding of her trials and can hopefully be a good source of support. I also hope to provide fun and love to my nephew.

I feel like everything was preparing me for this decision. My last job unexpectedly ended, I started a new job which, although a great opportunity, was not as hard to walk away from, my rent was raised, I couldn't find a new apartment, and then the job I started ended up starting a week later than originally planned, giving me this limbo week, during which I went to visit Utah. Usually when I visit, it's nice, but I'm ready to get back to SoCal, but this visit was so wonderful. I saw so many dear friends and had a great time with family, to where I really felt loved and happy to be there. It was special and now I see that it was all prepping me so I could receive the answer to move to Utah with more ease.

So with that, I am on my way. I was anxious to go, so I decided to move at the end of the month (I also didn't want to pay another month of rent here!). I have SO MUCH TO DO to get ready. But I will get there.

Now, although I know this is the right decision for right now, I do have plenty of trepidation. I still need to find a job. I have one good lead, so we'll see if that pans out. I've applied to a few jobs and will continue to search. I hope I can find something good, where I can be happy. The pay is so incredibly low compared to what I'm making here, but whatevs, it's just money and the cost of living up there is, of course, lower as well.

I am going to miss my dear friends here in LA. My ward is for sure the best ward ever. They got me through the hardest year of my life. They gave me unwavering love and support and hope. The friendships I made here are so important and meaningful to me. I hate to leave them. So so so many beautiful people in that ward, young and old, male and female - just a true ward family. I'll also miss the dear work friends I made. They also gave me so much support and laughter. And I made other, unexpected friendships that have been great.

I'll miss the constantly lovely weather. I do love seasons, so it will be great to have a real Autumn with the leaves changing and the crispness in the air and a real Spring after the long, cold Winter. But that also means I will have to have a long, cold Winter and a long, hot Summer. So, yes, I'll miss the ever nice weather of SoCal.

I will miss the many events and goings-on here: all the film fests and food trucks. I like that there are always many options - shopping, theatres, events. I am super sad to not be here for the Hollywood Bowl Summer - there were SO MANY concerts I wanted to attend this Summer. At least I will still go to John Williams night - I've got my tickets and my date lined up.

I will embrace the arts in SLC, however. The Utah Symphony is great, some great theatre companies, dance, music. When I lived there before I was able to attend a lot of events and it was great.

I also really want to act again. I miss it and I want to make it happen.

I've loved being around a diverse group of people. I love living in a blue state. I like that there is less judgement, more acceptance of all different kinds of people, religions, thoughts. But, I also know that SLC itself is more diverse, so it'll be ok.

I will miss so many great food options here. So may restaurants yet to try, so many. I WILL MISS PORTO'S!!! I will miss Tender Greens.

I WILL MISS TRADER JOE'S. What am I going to do without Trader Joe's? Seriously! I do probably 90% of my grocery shopping there. They are the best. Ugh. Utah needs to get Trader Joe's. So affordable, trustworthy, good food and fun treats. I'll just need to stock up each time I visit, I guess.

I am excited to be around my sisters again. I'm happy to be around my parents again, to hopefully help them as well. I'm thrilled I'll get to see my nephew all the time - he makes me happy. I'm so glad that I'll get to be around wonderful friends in Utah again, friends who I've known forever, friends who I feel so comfortable with. I'm excited to have the canyons again, go hiking, enjoy the mountains and forests. It will be nice to have a slower pace, perhaps. I'm excited to make new friends in Utah. To check out the singles scene. I look forward to figuring out this next chapter, what I want to pursue, to see what career emerges. Perhaps schooling/speech pathology? Perhaps teaching? Perhaps opening a donut shop? Who knows?

I've had an interesting, terrifying, exhilarating time the past seven years on this LA rollercoaster, but I'm excited to try a new ride. I come back to Utah, back to my home, but a changed person. I am stronger and wiser. I am more confident. The refining process continues. "I would rather be ashes than dust."